Let Go

2017 is soon to be over. It’s been a complex year, with a lot of big changes on all fronts: work, family, friends, lifestyles. I am using the last few quieter hours to wind down, relax, and let go of all unnecessary tensions.

I am grateful for all the great people, relationships, friends in my life. I am proud of my family and friends, and happy for the new ones. It’s been a good year – with all its difficulties.

We are free animals; temporary arrangements.

Foreign Air – Free Animal


This time of year

Merry Christmas is here, with my family. Part of it. The big family reunion will be on the 26th. It is different every year, but great to be together always. Let’s take the good out of the time together!

Boldog karácsonyt!

Imogen Heap – Just for Now

Have you had enough

Getting a rejection is uplifting sometimes – it makes the weights fall off your shoulders, makes you want to take a deep breath to get ready to start fresh in the upcoming days. I got a little too many rejections lately.

But it’s good. I’ll get to start the year with a clear slate. I’ll do my best.

Now I feel like I finally managed to put my cape down. I am heading home tomorrow. It will all be good.

Phosphorescent – Tell Me Baby (Have You Had Enough)

Losing memories

One of my biggest fears is losing memories. Where is the point of no return? To what extent do our memories define us? Do we remain us, when most of our memories are gone? Does the World see us fade?

My grandmother is at the state of dementia, where there’s no return. Watching her go is one of the biggest challenges for my family these days. There’s nothing to do to change it. There seem to be no sources to regain her memories, or her self with her memories.

Assisting and supporting in this unknown and uncertain situation is terrifying and exhausting. Yet we should never forget that there are periods in life, which we have to get through with. There’s no good way of doing it. There is no bad way of doing it. Getting prepared to what’s ahead doesn’t exist.

Staying strong doesn’t make sense. But we do. My family is remarkable. We will do good. Our best. Even in challenging times. We will change and learn. I hope all of us will manage to take the good lessons from it.

Victoria Grebezs – Fall to Earth

No fear for tomorrow

I am practicing letting go of what I can not change lately. Forgetting the concept of expectations. For spare moments, when I manage to change my perspective, it is liberating. Practice makes perfect. I am grateful for the sources I get to meet that inspire me to keep holding on.

Manoya – When She Closes Her Eyes

Time for the 20s

The end of the year and Christmas usually brings me back to the 20s-50s; that sort of music puts me in a festive, merry mood. Tonight, this music crawled in my heart in a cafe, while having nice conversations, warmth and tea.
Tonight, I am satisfied.

Bud Freeman – Satanic Blues

Jumping fences

I was taken to an amazing scenery today: the bridge behind Schloss Charlottenburg, where the trains cross the channel. For a moment there, staring at the still water, the reflections of the buildings, the trees on the other side and some lights crossing the sky farther away, I felt like I am free from everything going on in my life. It was a moment of clarity, pure happiness. It only stayed for a little while, but I’ll be forever grateful for it.

Olivia Tremor Control – Jumping Fences


Enchanted by memories

I am driving my Mom’s car on the way home from the Radio to my Granny. It’s a dark summer night, I am driving through the hills, having the windows down, listening to this song on full volume. I feel like I found the perfect soundtrack for that specific evening. This song is a time capsule. I can even feel the scent of that summer night ride when listening to it.

Occam – Midnight Taper