Yesterday, as I was heading to my couch with a mug of warm tea in my hand, this nice feeling of contentment hit me. It was only a split second. I looked around, and I thought: this is perfect.
I love my apartment. It’s an urban jungle with the World’s most sensitive alarm system: Báró. I feel at home here. My family and friends are also here with me, in my head. Sometime they will be able to visit again, and sometime I will be able to visit them as well.
I am thinking a lot about where I want to be. Workwise, in life. I am thinking about the future and what it might hold. And what I want it to feel like.
There are a lot of question marks, but some of the main lines are very visible already.
When did you last wonder if what you are doing is really what you want?
R.E.M. – We All Go Back To Where We Belong
I was so out of focus today I managed to cook some yellow peas to make the save-the-day hummus this evening… Not my day today.
R.E.M. – Bad Day
This one I’d like to dedicate to those who I take with me to concerts where they can’t come. I carry them in my heart.
REM – The One I Love
3 days of actively doing nothing but eating, sleeping, walking and occasionally dancing in the kitchen, and I feel like I’m myself again. This long weekend came in the best possible time. So good to have one more day of this, with more sunshine, finally.
R.E.M. – Pop Song 89
Annual reviews, anniversaries, celebrations and goal setting. People coming and going, leaving and saying goodbye. Changes.
I was wondering today, how would I be remembered if I disappeared all of a sudden, if today was my last day. Not worrying about it, just visiting this thought out of curiosity. Who would notice that I’m gone? What would they think has happened? Would my belongings mean anything to anyone?
Many say we should live our life to the fullest, as if every day would be the last one, or could be the last one. If I look at my days from this perspective, I tend to think about the good parts. The so-called achievements. Most of them are something that I thought they were. Sometimes I’m wondering if anyone else sees them that way.
Due to workplace struggles, I feel like I lost some of my inner shine lately. I’ll be gathering it again. In this amazing adventure called Life, I feel like I’m just before a big change. I don’t know exactly what I would change or when. But it feels like the stagnation before it gets speedy again.
I plan to do a thorough mental declutter over the weekend. It’s about time.
R.E.M. – Until The Day Is Done
I am working hard on the next steps in my hamster-wheel. I have some new challenges in the new year, all of them exciting and that require my full attention and focus. I feel exhausted by the evening, but it’s good exhaustion. It means I am learning, building new blocks to my World.
Hard work can be easily enjoyed if you have a good motivation. Fortunately, I am doing what I like to do. The new requirements only push me to work on some of my doubts, to step out of my comfort zone.
Overall, I am content and exhausted. Making it to the bed earlier should become a priority. One step at a time.
R.E.M. – Drive
“There was once an American traveler who planned a safari to Africa. He was that typical Type-A American tourist, who many of us may be and who I admittedly am when I travel. We do our research about this travel destination and we have a timetable, maps, and a clear agenda of the things we need to see and do. Some local people had even been hired to carry some of the traveler’s supplies as they trekked throughout the land—it was that level of planning.
On the first morning, they all woke up early and traveled fast and covered a great distance. The second morning was the same—woke up early, traveled fast, and traveled far. Third morning, same thing. But on the fourth morning, the local hired help refused to move. Instead, they sat by a tree in the shade well into the morning. The American traveler became incensed and irate and said to his translator, “This is a waste of valuable time. Can someone tell me what’s going on here?” The translator looked at him and calmly answered, “They’re waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies.”
(Terry Hershey, Sacred Necessities: Gifts for Living with Passion, Purpose, and Grace, 68-69.)
So much has happened in the past few weeks, and so much more was always ahead. I am glad for the long weekend ahead. Hopefully my Soul will catch up with my Body this time.
REM – ÜBerlin
Herausforderungen. Life is full of challenges. Some are more important than others, yet sometimes even the unimportant ones can pile up to surprise you all at once. Every day is yours to win – taking one step at a time helps tremendously.
Tomorrow, I’ll take two further steps again. Tonight, I rest.
REM – Every Day is Yours to Win